Music That Has Inspiried: A Sophomoric Production

Jawbreaker: Bad Scene, Everybody's Fault
Husker Du: Never Talking To You Again
The Mountain Goats: No Children
Cracker: Low
Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Maps
Massive Attack: Teardrop
The Killers: Jenny was a Friend of Mine
Nirvana: Heart Shaped Box
Joy Division: Love Will Tear Us Apart
David Bowie: Life On Mars?
The Postal Service: The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
Lawrence Arms: Porno and Snuff Films
The Loved Ones: Jane
Social Distortion: Making Believe
Rancid: Old Friend

No Children: The Musical Number

Alyssa: Mike what are your plans? All you ever seem to do is tear people down and you never seem to tell me what you want to do. So what are your hopes and reams?
Mike:I hope that my few remaining friends Give up on trying to save me. I hope I come up with a failsafe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave me. I hope the fences we mended. Fall down beneath their own weight. And I hope we hang on past the last exit. I hope it's already too late.
Alyssa: Wow that is really sad but understand able, what about leaving I know you have to get out of here...How are you gonna do that?
Mike: And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here, Someday burns down. And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away, And I never come back to this town Again in my life.
Alyssa: Aw that is terrible...Don't you want to come back and see me? I mean don't you think that I am a great girl friend?
Mike: I hope I lie And tell everyone you were a good girlfriend. And I hope you die, I hope we both die!
Alyssa: You asshole I can't believe you would say that. So does this mean we are over? Or do you have more plans? What else do you think?
Mike: I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow, I hope it bleeds all day long. Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises,I am pretty sure they're all wrong.
I hope it stays dark forever, I hope the worst isn't over.
Alyssa: That makes sense I mean if the worst were over you wouldn't have anything to complain about!
Mike: And I hope you blink before I do, Yeah I hope I never get sober
Alyssa: Ya that sounds like you
Mike:And I hope when you think of me years down the line, You can't find one good thing to say. And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out, You'd stay the hell out of my way!
Alyssa: I can't I love you too much!
Both:I am drowning, There is no sign of land. You are coming down with me, Hand in unlovable hand. And I hope you die, I hope we both die.
[Kiss Each other and walk off stage]

Mike sings the song No Children by The Mountian Goats

No Filters: The Office

Tommy, Mike, Paul, and Ryan are hanging out at a table in the office. Paul and Ryan are playing chess. Mike and Tommy are listening to their ipods. Jane is in the back corner of the stage reading Spanish.

Tommy: What are you listening to?
Mike: Slim Thug
Tommy: Nice
Mike: What can I say, I connect with Black Southern Gangsta rappers
Tommy: Haha so True...Can you burn me a CD of rap? I can never seem to bring myself to burn a rap CD
Mike: Ya okay I can make you one...what kind do you want?
Tommy: What do you mean?
Mike: Well do you want like southern music or San Francisco or like indie shit?
Tommy: I want fuckin black music...like mike jones and T.I. and shit
Mike: Oh gotcha
Paul: Check
Ryan: Fuck
Mike: What do we have for English?
Tommy: I think we were supposed to journal up through act three of Godot
Mike: Oh good...at least I now know what I didn't do
Paul: Fuck that was my queen
Ryan: Fuck yes it was fuckin white bastard
[Principal Gives a dirty look to the boys which goes unnoticed]

Mike: Fuck what was with George today in convo.?
Tommy: I know the fucker kept tellin us to be quite
Mike: I mean its not our fault that the speaker was a fuckin moron, that's his fuckin religion not ours
Tommy: And considering he is the religious one, he sure as fuck misses a lot of chapels
Tommy:Who are you taking to Prom?
Mike: Damned if I know...who are you taking?
Tommy: I don't even know if I am going
Ryan: Check motherfucker
Paul: god damnit
Principal: Boys!
Mike: Ya
Principal: You are in the office and there are ladies present
Mike:[looks around and only sees Jane] where?
Tommy: Do you ever sue the video feature?
Mike: No waste of space...do you?
Tommy: Ya I like it...I have a bunch of great movies
Mike: that's all gay porn probably...Yup it would sound just like you to want to watch ours of two guys fuckin each other in the ass...[Principal upon hearing this gets up and walk over, standing behind Mike] and you fag you are listening to Savage Garden
Tommy: They are good...I like the melodies...Really it isn't that bad
Mike: I used to think you were cool but now I know that you are really lame...And you have a tiny penis
Principal: That's it mike you have a detention and an in house suspension for you lovely language
[close curtain]

Method Actors and Over Acting: the Drama Kids One

On the front Steps of the School, London is reading a Newspaper

London: "...And I feel that the plays overdramatic use of color and light took away from the feeling realism in this modern classic." How can they possibly say that the lighting was perfect...I should know I was the head lighter..."...The costumes were shabby at best"? What I designed those costumes from scratch...They must not have been close enough to notice the subtle details..."The best part of the night was when the play ended" That is just plain rude! I would never say that about a play...Well maybe just that one schools play....
[Mark and Jenn walk in]

Mark: what's Wrong Sugar?
London:[continuing to read] It's...It's this paper....They absolutely hated our performance of the musical last night...They said it was"one of the worst shows I have ever seen, it was even worse than my neighbors performance as the lead in suessical, when he was in third grade"
Mark: That bastard! How could he say that we put the performances of our lives last night...Everything was perfect...I mean I know that I acted as good as any Broadway actor and I am only 18
London: Well they say you over acted.
Mark: What! I never over act...How can anyone accuse me of over acting! I act perfectly at all times...In fact the director at NYU, when I auditioned, was so pleased he gave me the wink and nod when I auditioned...I am sure I got in...Besides I know I acted at least as well as I did when I was the lead in Suessecal
Jenn: When are you going to let that go?
Mark: Never, I was told I was the best they had ever scene!
Jenn: You were the only one they had ever seen
Mark: That is beside the point
Jenn: Well what did they say about the musical numbers?
London: That they were "poorly performed" and that they were "out of tune"
Jenn: I will kill this fuckin bitch
Mark: Haha not so easy to deal with when you are being made fun of...is it Jennifer?
Jenn: Fuck you! At least I have a boy and I wasn't compared to a third grader
Mark: Yes but your boy is far away and being told you are tone death isn't any better...Did they say anything positive about the play?
London: Yes that the student author who wrote it was "a genius in his ability to capture human emotion and the struggle of everyday life"
Mark: Wow that is a little bloated
Jenn: Ya I mean Mike wrote it but I didn't think it was that good
Mark: Well I told him it wasn't that good...I mean the dialogue fell flat a lot and the jokes were kind of lame
Jenn: That is certainly true I mean his songs were really bad...He has no ability to capture feeling in songs certainly and did you see him when he tried out for the play?
Mark: Oh my God yes! He was terrible...He under acted all the time and had no ability to sing
Jenn: Yes thank god we didn't let him be the lead like he wanted
Mark: the best idea ever was to make him in charge of lighting
London: Well I kicked him off that...I felt like he never could light properly...Always used such pale colors
Jenn: Who wrote that article anyway? I want to send them a nasty letter!
London: Let me see it was....Oh my god!
Jenn: What?
London: It was MIKE!

E=MC*Squared

Mark, Jane, Cameron, Jenn, and A different teacher are in class. The class becomes quite about 30 seconds after the bell ring. The bell rang about a minute before Mike enters.

Teacher: Mike you are Late!
Mike: Ya, but its not like you were teaching[Sits down in an empty desk]
Teacher: How do you know what I am doing? You never seem to show up on time for this class. If I ever counted....
Mike:[interrupting] because we never do anything in this class. For god sake we have been on this same unit for the past three days!
Teacher: Well I might be able to finish the unit if people showed up on time....
Mike: So I am to blame for the fact the class has the pace of a special Olympics hurdler?
Teacher: No...And that is a terrible thing to say....But I know why you say that. I used to be like you, when I was a punk rocker I would go around and beat up people...In fact this one time my buddy and I...[Mike puts his head on the desk and tries to sleep]...went into a convenience...WAKE Up[Slams Mike's desk]
Mike: God, leave me alone...Go teach your class or something
Teacher: Oh good! You are giving me permission to teach my class
Mike: Well someone has to do
Teacher: Let me see your homework
Mike: what homework?
Teacher: Whatever I assigned last night
Mike: You didn't assign any...We haven't had any homework in over three months
Jane: Yes he did assign homework...It was 3-79 evens on page...
Mike: Will you shut up! If you hadn't of told him I could a talked him out of checkin it! For god sake he doesn't even know the numbers
Teachers: I did too know the numbers
Mike: Ok what were they?
Teacher:[puzzled look on his face] that doesn't matter...I would have known if I looked on your paper
Jane: Oh come on, Mike you still haven't turned in that Faulkner paper and that was due before Thanksgiving. It's not bad for people want credit for the hard work they do
Mike: So do I...I work hard at learning how to not work...you think it comes naturally being this lazy? Let me tell you it takes months of hard training to not care this much!
Jane: You lazy bum
Teacher: What were we doing...Oh Ya...We are going to do...Factorial!...That's it we are going to do factorial. So who knows about factorial?[no one raises there hand]..Well then[looks at mike]Mark! What is a factorial?
Mark: Um...Like its...Um...Is it where you multiply something?
Teacher: Good...Well its when you multiply allt he numbers that make a number...All you really need to know is...Go to your calculator press math and click the ! Mark....So do 1-115 odd on page 456
Mike: Great! We are done with class, finally I can sleep
Teacher: No you need to work
Mike: haha that's funny
Teacher: no you will work or I will give you a zero for the assignment
Mike: Go for it...I have a 97 so I really don't care
[Mike goes to sleep]
Teacher: Mike if you don't stay up I am going to give you a zero for the day
[Mike lifts his head up]
Teacher: Good now work
Mike: No I think I am done
Teacher: What?
Mike: I am leaving...we aren't doing anything for the rest of the day....why don't you just let me go to the computer lab?
Teacher: No
Mike: Well I am leaving either way...either you let me leave and give me a note, or I walk out that door and we both have more of a headache then we want
Teacher: Ok fine here[writes a note] what are you going to do in the computer lab anyway?
Mike: Math homework[walks out the door]

Anna is a Bombshell or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Came to Love English Class

Enter Mike and Tommy. Teacher sitting at a desk. Tommy sits at a desk and puts on his ipod, Mike lies of the floor, Teacher continues to read the paper.

Tommy:[sigh] Another day, Another class
Mike:[eyes still closed] Nothing more nothing less and just more time to waste.
Tommy: But how much longer must we wait for it to end?

[Enter Lolita, Jane, Margaret]
Lolita: Did you guys finish the book?
Mike and Tommy: No
Jane: Lazy asses, I loved this book...Mike you would have loved it...it is your type of book.
Mike:[eyes still closed] Well then I will be sure to get on that...
Jane: Do you ever want to be anything other than an underachiever?
Mike: Can't see a circumstance where it would be a benefit.
Jane: You are useless… all that potential.

[Various other people enter, Bell Rings]
Teacher: Ok let’s start...Get your copy of...
[Enter Katharine]
Teacher: You're late Katharine
Katharine: No I can't be I was coming from math...
teacher: Well this is your 7th time, you have ah detention...
Katharine:[infuriated] No that is not fair I can't get a detention, I will ruin my reputation.. Besides I have two practices tomorrow it is simply out of the question
Teacher: Well I really don't care you are late, and you are interrupting my class.
Katharine: What class the bell just rang and besides mike is on the floor!
Mike: Bite me, I have a hang over and how is it that Jane can make it from our class on time but you can't? I wouldn't have to do with your ex-boyfriend being in the hall everyday would it?
Katharine: Shut up! And why don't you ever do anything, he says all these nasty things and you just let him!
Teacher: That's it you both have detention
Mike: Fine

Teacher: Now where were we?
Lolita: We were talking about the book.
Mike: Yes that would make sense, since this is an English class. dumbass
Margaret: Who do you think is cuter?
Jane: What?!?
Margaret: I mean who do you think is hotter...Who do you want to ram...Do you you want to screw?
Lolita: I would have sex with Levin

[Mike opens his eyes, stares at Margaret, shakes his head and gets in an empty desk next to Tommy]
Tommy:[To Mike] I can't believe we are having this conversation...
Mike: Really what's hard to believe we have this conversation every day...
Tommy: And everyday I can't believe it...It just is hard to believe that this is what passes for an English class sometimes.
Mike: That is the problem, this is our English class
Tommy: And what are ya gonna do?

[Tommy and Mike rejoin the conversation]
Margaret: I would totally have sex with Joe...I mean he is black and you know what they say abut black men.
Tommy:[To Mike] The saddest part is that they have higher grades than we do...
Mike: substantially...But that is because we haven't turned the paper in yet...What excuse are you using this time anyway?
Tommy: Washing machine broke, you?
Mike: Computer Crash
Tommy: Bastard that got you two extra weeks and no questions asked.
Mike: But the sad part is that I already have it finished I just don't want to turn it in.
[Mike and Tommy rejoin]
Jane: I can't believe that would said that...How can we possibly be discussing who is better to have sex with...With my parents aren't paying all this money to have these discussions!

Katharine: What did you guys think about Edna's suicide?
Lolita: I felt that it was wrong and that she took the easy way out...She should have take control of her life...I mean suicide is never right...I can't support any persons suicide, it is just selfish.
Tommy: Lolita, [Stares at her] You need to give up...you are never going to stop suicide as a whole...People are going to forever commit suicide, You Can't Stop It! Is it nobler to grow old and suffer with your problems till you die as a geezer or is it better to die with your problems as an adolescent.
Lolita:[tearing up] Clearly you have never had mental issues before...all the person want is a cure!
Mike: But what cure awaits the,! A pill that kills them on the inside or a gun that kills them on the outside? Either way part of you is dead!
Lolita:[Crying] I don’t have to take this!
Exit Lolita

Tommy:[To Mike] Good Job, now she is gone and I am going to have to get her.
Mike: What? Why?
Tommy: Because she is my girlfriend’s best friend and I have to apologize for your mistakes.
Mike: Well just so you know I am sorry that you have to deal with all that baggage.
Tommy: I know but for once you need to keep your mouth shut...not for me because I love the jokes and the sarcasm and the meanness...but for the rest of the world because they can not seem to deal with it...
Mike: But someone has to say something otherwise life is not worth living. This is my way of dealing with people, If I don’t say something I will go just as crazy as Lolita. If someone doesn't poke fun at society, then society will take itself to seriously. And then what will happen?
Tommy: Who knows but you have to be nicer to people it is destroying out class...
Mike: I am nice....
Tommy: No you aren't...that’s the third person you made cry this week, your ex's won't talk to you thanks to your tactics and you have an honor committee in an hour about that malicious, comical and fictitious article you wrote about Brian. My friend you need to change.
[bell rings]
Exit stage

Gays, Striaghts, and Famous Cities: The Free Block

[Enter Mark and Jennifer, into an empty class room. They stand in the back corner]

Mark: But all I want is for him to like me!
Jenn: You know he never will he never will and besides it is pointless for you to hope that a straight boy to go to the dark side for you.
Mark: I know but he is so handsome that I just have to have him…
Jenn: I have had him; he is not worth it…
Mark:[interrupting] when did you have Mike?
Jenn.: A couple weeks ago...he is good looking, but a shitty kisser
Mark: How did...Why did... This isn't fair you have a boyfriend!
Jenn: I know and that is the problem! He and I would be a good couple but I don't want to leave Brian. He is at Michigan but that doesn't mean I can't have feelings for other people. But that doesn't mean I don't love him because we are going to get married! It's just I have feelings for Mike...
Mark: But..But...That's not fair...You can't have two boys fighting over you and I can’t get any!
[Exit Mark, Enter Mike]

Mike: What was that about?
Jenn: He was just being a bitch...
Mike: Ahh...well makes sense, he is the queen bitch.
Jenn: Ya...but I still love him...and I love Brian, as well...and he is coming home on Wednesday!
Mike: I can hardly contain my enthusiasm...seeing as how we have a loving and caring and beautiful relationship.
Jenn: That’s just because I choose him and not you...
Mike: Well you didn't choose him last week...
Jenn: Fuck you! I don't like you anymore!
[Exit Jenn, then Mike]

Enter London and Katharine
London: Why can't I get a boy?
Katharine: Not worth it, trust me
London: That’s coming form the girl who has both an EX and a Bif who are constantly fawning over her...
Katherine: I hate it...all they ever do is seem to fight over me and then fight with me...and at this point I am sick of fighting!
[Enter Mike]
Mike: How goes it team?
Katharine: It goes fine
London: Mike isn't Katharine lucky that she has so many people in love with her? And that she isn't stuck being single and lonely like me?[bats her eyes]
Mike: Not for me to say...I am sure she is stuck in her own personal hell.
Katharine: Thanks for sticking up for me loser
Mike: Any time babe
Katharine: Gosh! My own personal hell....I have one person that puts me in purgatory and the other that believing that everyone is in love with me. And did you write that paper for English?
Mike: No my computer crashed
Katharine: Oh that sucks, but I doubt its true
Mike: Thanks for the vote of confidence
Katharine: Any time
[Katharine puts on headphones and walks out]

London: So...How’s the love life?
Mike: Non-existent
London: Oh...that’s too bad but I know someone who could change that for you...I mean if you want?
Mike: Oh...who would that special person be?
[both lean in]
[Enter Cameron and Jane fighting]
Cameron: Bitch get back here...You have my money....How can you say that I don't care about you? I have done nothing but good for you!
Jane: But you call me a whore!
Cameron: You know I am joking! Jane you know I still love you and that we are going to get married!
Mike: And the good fight continues with the good and the ugly slugging it out for home room supremacy...and who has the more broken heart! Is it Jane "I have had more boyfriends then you have toes" Doe or Cameron "I have only kissed one girl my entire life" Smith?
Jane: And besides...you are friends with him...the biggest slacker and smart asses I have ever met!
Cameron: You know I am only kidding when I call you a whore...it's just one of our special things
Jane: I know but it still really hurts
[exit Jane]

Cameron: Thanks for the thrilling radio announcement
Mike: I saw and opportunity and took it
Cameron: That’s very true...ill advised and badly executed but true...plus it helped me get out of the fight I was getting tired of it anyway.
Mike: Then my comments really are helping people! I wonder if I can use that for community service?
Cameron: Ah still trying to find a way out of community service...I see
Mike: You know it baby...How'd ya do with the colleges?
Cameron: Straight rejection from the Ivy’s and Cambridge, but I got into Berkley and San Diego
Mike: Very Nice Very nice
Cameron: And how did you pathetic and apathetic butt do?
Mike: I received the thin letter from all of them except for Vermont and Miami Ohio...
Cameron: How'd you hear about Ohio anyway?
Mike: They sent me stuff in the mail and they had pretty girls
Cameron: So you based your choice on a girl in the packet...with out ever seeing the campus?
Mike: you got it
London: I had so many schools I don't even remember where I applied...NYU, BU, BC, BYU, FSU, USF, USD, UCSD, UGA, TCU, LMU, SMU...I think there are more
Mike: Ya you forgot KROQ, KCRW, WEQX, ABC, NBC, QTV, MTX, ADX, ADZ, 123...ABC
London: That’s real funny...remember when we went stare gazing on the golf course...
Mike: ya
London: and I felt the cold should of rejection that night?
Mike: That’s not my fault...you said you were....
London: You know I wasn't...That’s what I hate about you Mike Armstrong, you never take action...you always let life happen and never take imitative.
[Exit London and Bell rings]

Cameron: Well that’s the bell
Mike: Thank you captain obvious
Cameron: what class you got?
Mike: English[rolls eyes] and you?
Cameron: Algebra III
Mike: Impressive...that might be the only joke class I am not taking
Cameron: I need another free block...so I took that
Mike: Good call
[exit Cameron]
Mike: Oh English...why do I waste my time...Nothing happens I just wait for Oberst like it is some kind of game...the only distraction I can ever hope for is a kind of pathetic musing or attempt to tear down another class mate...but what is there to do?
[Exit mike]
Act over